Movie Review: Cloverfield

The Farage "F" Rating: FFFFFFFF

Cloverfield was released on January 18, 2007 to much anticipation in the United States as there was a bit of pre-release Internet hype over this film; much as there was about Snakes on a Plane. It was released in Hong Kong on the 17th to the same sort of anticipation. We watched this movie last weekend and Cloverfield is definitely worth seeing as it takes the "Blair Witch" concept of hand held held filming to an entirely different level.

I have read a few reports about people getting "car sick" while watching this movie and I can believe it; the filming is indeed a bit sporadic. I won't spoil the movie here, but faced with the "reality" the characters are experiencing...sporadic is indeed acceptable and adds to the experience of watching this movie. In fact, I cannot think of a more effective filming method.

In my opinion the last big "monster" genre film, 1998's Godzilla, failed miserably in reviving a genre that scared movie goers for decades in the past. Where Godzilla failed, Cloverfield will not. The movie is exciting and if you have a pulse it will startle you a couple of times.

The actors, although none of them were previously famous, performed well and more importantly performed as one would expect under the situation portrayed in the movie. This movie saved money on the actors in order to spend the cash on the special effects; this was an investment that would make Warren Buffett proud. Rumors of a US$30 million budget and an opening weekend of US$41 million in the US and Canada, means this movie is definitely in the black.

The movie is definitely worth seeing, although short, it is a fun ride. You will be pulled through New York in ways you never imagined and the feel of the movie will make you wonder, "what if this really happened?" Regarding a sequel to this movie, one only has to look at all the other "films" that were being made during the movie. As you watch the movie, note how many other people are seen filming the event. The Producer, J.J. Abrams of Lost and Armageddon fame, has hinted at the possibility of sequel from a different perspective. I can't think of a cooler possibility; two movies about the exact same event, occurring at the same time, but completely different. Definitely a neat possibility worthy of further exploration.

One thing to look out for; at the very end of the movie, when two characters are at Coney Island, just watch the sky.

Hong Kong Chapter III - August 12, 2007

"A Flying Dog and Typhoon Pabuk"

A flying dog and Typhoon Pabuk; It is time for another update from Hong Kong about the continuing adventures of Mark, Randi and Henry Farage.

Well, things have not been boring or calm since I last updated you on our adventures in Hong Kong. Randi and I are doing great and we absolutely love living in Hong Kong. Henry, on the other hand, is not the happiest of campers.

Henry has learned the inherent dangers of stalking birds in Hong Kong, the hard way. On June 20^th Henry and I were out of our evening walk and at the end of our evening walks we always come back to the complex and walk around the upper promenade, where Henry can look at birds and just relax. Well, on this particular night Henry decided that one bird looked particularly interesting and attempted to get closer to it. So, he went to jump on a ledge and misjudged things a bit. The ledge he went to jump on was pretty narrow and on the other side was a thirty foot fall to a concrete terrace below – things that Henry failed to notice. This basically meant that Henry had his first and hopefully only solo flying lesson. Apparently, the take-off went well but the landing was a bitch.

I, unfortunately, was looking at something else when he did this and did not have the opportunity to tell him “no”. All I heard was a thump and then some whimpering…which is never a good thing. I could not figure out what happened at first, seeing how these ledges are almost 5 feet tall; I did not think he would jump up on one blindly (had I thought that…he would have been on a leash), finally I looked over the edge and Henry was indeed way, way down below.

Well, Henry being the tough dog that he is decided that the fall was nothing and was trying to figure out how to get out of his predicament, I knew he definitely was hurt as he was crying softly and dragging himself around very slowly, all while leaving a trail of blood, another “not a good thing”. I told him to lie down and to stay, fortunately for him, he did.

Rescuing him was an adventure as the family, whose terrace he landed on, was not at home. I had to get security to open a vacant apartment adjacent to the one in question and then we had to scale a six foot wall that separated the terraces. We wrapped up Henry, after I assessed his injuries, (compound fracture, possible internal injuries, lacerations, etc. on my first inspection) and proceeded to extract him out of the terrace. About an hour after his fall we were at The Ark Veterinary Hospital and he was being assessed. I have to give major credit to our Gurkha security guards for helping me rescue Henry and get him to the hospital, they were great. For those of you who do not know who or what Gurkhas are, you should do a Google search on them. They are considered some of the finest, fiercest and bravest soldiers in the world. They are known for their inability to quit and their trademark Kukri knifes, the very site of these weapons in the hands of a trained Gurkha has literally stopped revolutions. Randi feels very safe with Gurkhas patrolling our complex, as can be expected.

Fortunately, for Henry, he is an extremely fit and tough dog despite his inability to defy the laws of gravity. Despite the severity of the drop and the landing (concrete) he walked away with only one broken bone (basically a doggy toe) and a slightly ruptured spleen and of course some serious bruises and lacerations. Every vet has basically been in awe that he was not hurt worse; we even consulted with our vet back in Memphis and she was equally shocked at the lack of injuries he suffered.

Henry had his 1^st surgery on the 22^nd of June to fix the compound fracture. We located a great Orthopedic Veterinary surgeon named Matthew Field and he was treated at the Ark, which is a great animal hospital. Well, around Henry’s 4^th week of recovery, when it was getting close to the time for his cast to come off, the surgeon discovered another problem with his leg. Apparently, albeit not shockingly, when he landed he severely hyper extended his carpal joint (which is kind of like the ankle joint) and severely damaged the fiber that holds the joint together. So, it was time for another surgery. On July 27^th Henry had his second surgery which involved “fusing” part of his carpal joint in a procedure called Arthrodesis. This is basically a process where the joint is cleaned out and a plate is installed that holds the parts of the joint together; the plan is then for the joint to fuse, basically growing together as one solid piece. So, Henry had to have a bone graph taken from his shoulder, as well as the actual Arthrodesis on the carpal joint. Luckily, they did not have to fuse the entire joint and he should (if everything heals properly) retain roughly 80% of his normal range of motion. This should let him still be able to perform at almost full capacity which means Henry will be able to run full speed again, after some physical therapy and rehabilitation. So, we have been a bit busy with Henry as you can tell. It is amazing that we put so much time, energy and money into our pets…but, they are part of the family. Per Randi, “we will do whatever it takes to make Henry better,” which, I translated to…prepare the checkbook. You know it is a bad sign when the vet has written on the first page of his records…”money not an object”. I am not sure how that got in there but, it can’t be good.

Henry is milking his injuries for all he can, he has learned that if he holds up his injured leg and makes a “sad” face that he can get whatever he wants. It is quite ridiculous really, but very, very effective.

Besides Henry, all is going well. We are experiencing our first typhoon of the season. The storm started as a “severe tropical storm” and has been named “Pabuk”. Apparently, a “Pabuk” is a large freshwater fish that lives in the Mekong River; the name was contributed by Laos. I am just hoping, for the sake of Hong Kong, that this is not a man-eating fish. According to the Joint Typhoon Warning Center (JTWC) the storm is moving towards Hong Kong with sustained winds of 65mph or 100km/h. They have a signal system here and we are currently at “signal 1” and according to my sources, it is absolutely nothing to worry about until “signal 8” is raised. As a confirmation of this neither Randi nor I get to skip work until “signal 8” is raised. We are looking forward to our first typhoon in Hong Kong.

Since, it takes me a few days to write these updates (time is at a premium) Pabuk has hit and has gone on its merry way. Did it make it to a “signal 8”? You bet you, was it anything to get worried about? Not at all…it is really quite comical looking back on the last few days. I would basically equate the “chatter” of Hong Kong to the “chatter” that happens in Memphis if there is even a “whisper” of the possibility of either snow or ice. You all know exactly what I am talking about, the run to the supermarket to buy 56 gallons of water…the quick trip to Home Depot to buy a generator, basically the complete and absolute overreaction of the populous. Well, Pabuk was an utter disappointment. When you think Typhoon, you think hurricane…right? Well, I would have to say Typhoon Pabuk was more along the lines of a small Memphis thunderstorm. I am not sure why everyone was nervous…even looking out onto the semi-rough seas…all I could think of was…”man, it would be great if I had a Seadoo right now.” I could have gotten some serious air on those waves. Once the “signal 8” flag was hoisted, basically the city shutdown…well everything except for the bars. Everyone was able to leave work early and it seems all the ex-pats decided it was a great time to head to a good bar. Randi and I joined her workmates for a few beers. Leave it to the British and Australians to recommend beer as a remedy for an impending Typhoon. Well, after 3:00pm on Friday everyone left the office and Randi and I ended up hanging out until around midnight or so…weathering the storm, with the rest of Robert Half Hong Kong. I think it only rained for an hour or so during the whole evening. I think the only “storm” worth mentioning was the downpour of Jell-O-shots that some of Randi’s workmates were downing with abandon. I am sure their Saturday morning storm left more of a mark on them then the winds of Pabuk. All in all Pabuk was a bit disappointing and not really worthy of noting in “Farage’s History of Storms”, due out this fall (kidding).

Unfortunately, as a product of the changing wind direction, the smog has returned in force over the last few days (or is it fog) and the visibility has been decreased significantly. For the past month, I could see the horizon with visibility in excess of 30 kilometers; today…visibility is down to 7 kilometers. Basically it looks like a lot of fog has rolled in…unfortunately this is not fog this is “clean” air from China being blown in from the mainland. If China wants to be a global force in the future, they are really going to have to clean up their environment…less no one will want to live there. No one likes the smell of petrol-chemicals in the morning except for Robert Duvall’s character in Apocalypse Now, in the words of Lt. Col. Bill Kilgore…”I love the smell of Napalm in the morning”. Well Bill, you would love Hong Kong right now.

Well, on to more interesting topics, Randi and I bought our first piece of furniture in Hong Kong a few weeks ago. Randi was sick of our A/V equipment sitting on the floor below the TV; so we went shopping. We hit Hollywood Road, a famous road in Central known for antiques, obscurities and generally all things Hong Kong. After walking through numerous stores we found a great piece (antique) and I negotiated a pretty good price for it (I think). Randi questioned my belief that it would fit in the back seat of the car, but I reminded her that you never question a Farage when it comes to packing something in a vehicle. Sure enough, that bad boy fit in the back seat like a glove, not even a millimeter to spare…perfect! The owner, a nice older lady (probably in her 50’s) helped me load the piece into the car. Let me tell you that lady was a pit bull; she picked that piece of furniture up like it was a pillow. It kind of surprised me a bit and I had to hustle to keep up with her as we loaded it up. I think Randi felt a little “shown up” as she tried to pick it up with me and she said it was a bit too heavy…well not for the pit bull. Did I mention that Randi joined a gym in the following days? Perhaps, I see a re-match with the pit bull in the near future.

Work is going great, I just finished my first project in Hong Kong and things went very smoothly. We are extremely busy as I am currently working on two other projects that are in various stages, never a dull moment. I will be heading to Indochina next month to review our operations in Vietnam, Cambodia and Laos. Indochina, as a market, is growing and if you look at your house; I am sure a few things will probably have been made in Vietnam, Laos or Cambodia…especially when it comes to decorative type items. I am definitely looking forward to that trip, not only to see our operations but also getting an opportunity to see first-hand the Hanoi Hilton and so many other pieces of history related to the Vietnam conflict. From what we have read, Vietnam and especially the China Beach area has turned into a wonderful vacation spot with great resorts all along China Beach. Randi is going to take a few days off and join me in Vietnam for a long weekend. It will be a great opportunity for her to get out of Hong Kong and see another aspect of Asia. She is really looking forward to it.

Randi is doing great; she is starting to enjoy her job more and more as she has gone through various stages with it. I think it has taken her a bit of time to get use to the Hong Kong market and she is definitely enjoying things as more time progresses. Which, is a good thing…I think she would have been utterly bored if she was not working.

Well, we hope this finds you all well and that everyone in Memphis is enjoying the HOT weather there. Don’t forget to check out our Flickr page (www.flickr.com/photos/mrgarage), as we are always putting new pictures up.

Cheers.

Mark, Randi and Henry

Hong Kong Chapter II - May 4, 2007

All –

So, this is update number two…albeit it is the first full-time Hong Kong resident update. Well, today is May 3, 2007, which means Randi and I have been in Hong Kong for just about two months. I was kind of waiting a bit so that I could have some interesting and meaningful information to share, that and we have been pretty busy with everything going on in our lives over the couple of months.

As most of you know we left Memphis on the 6^th of March for our journey to Hong Kong…our dog, Henry, left on the 5^th due to flight restrictions and all that jazz. Just for your personal edification, it will cost you approximately $500 more to ship your dog via Northwest’s VIP (Very Important Pet) service than it would for you to buy a coach seat from Memphis to Hong Kong. When I was quoted the outrageous price I asked the highly educated and completely customer oriented Northwest representative if Henry would be receiving an in-flight meal as well as in-flight entertainment…she flat replied “no”. So, much for VIP service and so much for getting your money’s worth; I think next time we are going to slap some clothes on him and stick him back in coach…at least he will be able to stretch his legs.

Randi and I departed on the morning of the 6^th after a long week of prepping our house/condo for rent. We were “advised” that the condition we leave the condo in would be the condition that we receive the condo back in…so; Randi and I went to work. Now, having only been in the condo for a little less than a year, it was in very good condition; however there was still work to be done. We patched every nail-hole in the place, spackled, sanded and repainted to ensure that the walls were in tip-top shape. We ended up repainting the bedroom due to the walls just not looking right after our repairs; I personally think the paint color was a bit off…since you could see exactly where we repainted. So, we taped, drop-clothed and painted…which, really made the room look great. I personally think we did a better job than the contractors originally did. We also used some polyurethane (thanks to a tip from the Gillespie’s) on the tiles throughout the house…which really brought out the texture of the tiles and gave them a clean appearance. You would not believe the difference that little trick did on the slate around the fireplace…night and day. Randi and I decided to leave our home theater system in place for the renters…rather than pulling everything out. So, our lucky renters will be getting a 42” flat-screen and a Bose surround sound system hooked up to some high-end Sony equipment. I also had to leave my Xbox and PS2…so, whoever rents the place is getting a pretty decked out entertainment package. I am just hoping it is all there when we get back. Our developer, who is slower and less responsive than a corpse, is supposed to be swapping out our wine cooler and beverage center with G.E. Profile units…but, he has yet to do so. I think the only time he was responsive was when I had to cut a check for the condo…since then…we will just say “responsive” and his name do not belong in the same book…possibly even in the same hemisphere. So, after putting everything in tip-top shape…Randi and I were ready to head out.

Randi, Henry and I crashed at our friend’s the Gillespie’s for about 10 days as we packed everything up and prepared to move. A special thanks to David and Andrea for being so hospitable while we crashed at their place…complete with dog.

Randi and I also had to decide what to do with our cars. We sold the Saab right off and then we decided to keep my Land Cruiser…as it was/is my “dream” car and I am just beginning the process of building it into an “expedition” vehicle that I plan to someday cruise all over the North American continent with a few friends. Randi’s parents and uncle were nice enough to offer to keep the vehicle at their house during our absence…although I had several other offers to “watch” the vehicle why I was gone. Several individuals, who shall remain nameless, were extremely eager to get their hands on it.

We are still in the process of selling Randi’s Pathfinder and we are hoping that it will be sold by the end of the month…we hate to see it go…but, we can’t justify keeping two cars while we are out of the country. So, if anyone is interested in a fully loaded 2004 Pathfinder with less than 30k on the odometer…let me know. Sorry for the sales pitch…did I mention it is four-wheel drive?

Finally on the morning of March 6, 2007 Randi and I headed out. Well, headed to the Memphis International Airport early in the AM. Randi was worried that we were going to miss our flight and her parents decided to meet us there...so we had to get there a little earlier than normal. Randi’s parents help up pretty well, although her Mom did break into tears as we said our good-byes. They are not quite use to the “globe-trotting” lifestyle that Randi and I were embarking on. I am kind of used to flying all over God’s green earth and my parents, I suspect, are fairly use to it. Let this be a warning to all the single men out there…lesson one on how not to score points with the in-laws. Do not, and I repeat do not, tell your in-laws that you are moving their only daughter and only child to China just a few months after you get married. I have to admit they have been pretty good about it.

Randi and I arrived safe and sound on the 7^th in our new home along with my two co-workers/friends. We immediately went to check on Henry to make sure he survived the flight. I have honestly never seen a dog that “stressed out” before. I think his first flight, seeing how it was close to 20 hours and crossed numerous time zones, was a little stressful on the little guy. None the less he made it in one piece and as best as I can tell he did not use the bathroom in his kennel…apparently he has a strong bladder.

At this point in time, we are pretty much moved in and settled into our apartment. We had to stay at a hotel for about 10 days while our furniture made its’ way over here and all the apartment items were taken care of and switched over. Henry unfortunately had to stay in a kennel…he refers to this period as his Chinese Prison days…but, it wasn’t that bad. Randi and I were able to visit him once and it was an average kennel in the Chinese country side. I think Henry has just gotten spoiled sleeping on his feather bed and being tucked in every night by my wife. He is indeed a piece of work.

So, we were pretty excited when we were able to move into our new place. We are living on Victoria Peak which is on the Hong Kong Island part of Hong Kong. Hong Kong also has the Kowloon “side” as well as the New Territories. The island is definitely a lot more exciting and full of energy. Victoria Peak or “The Peak” is basically the top of the mountain that overlooks the city. It is a great area and we have some fantastic views of the city and the surrounding seas. We were fortunate to find a place up there within our budget as the area is extremely expensive. It is a great place for Henry as there are parks and trails all over the mountain. He loves going for walks and spotting all the new wildlife that he is not quite use to yet. As he is a birddog, he has an intense fascination with anything that flies. Unfortunately, being on the peak there are some large birds of prey that like to fly around…I think Henry is still sizing them up…or it could be the other way around.

Our apartment is great, we are living in a complex called “The Mount Austin”, I know it sounds a little “high-brow” but, I think if you add a “the” in front of anything you get the same feel. Go ahead and experiment with that one…start adding ”the” in front of everything at work or at home and see how people react. My pen…I mean “the pen” has taking on a whole cult following now…everyone wants to write with “the pen”…nothing special about my Pilot…except I added “the” to it.

We have a small three bedroom place with two bathrooms. It is roughly the same size as our condo in Memphis…so the transition was easy. We have great views from all of our rooms, we look down on the Pok Fu Lam reservoir and then the South China Sea…it is pretty cool to relax on the sofa and watch the ships go buy in the distance…very cool. We have hit IKEA numerous times to get all the little stuff that makes a place your home and we are really starting to get comfortable. Since our condo was only a one bedroom place in Memphis; we are still lacking guest bedroom furniture but, we are going to meet with a builder this weekend and hopefully we will be well on our way to having some furniture for our future guests. It is actually pretty inexpensive to get furniture made here…you can basically take the builders a picture of what you want (say a Pottery Barn catalog) and they will draw it up and then build it once everything is settled. We also have to get new bedroom furniture for our bedroom as the rooms are a little smaller. So, for the time being we are sleeping on the mattress which is parked squarely on the floor. It’s great, Henry’s bed is snuggled up right next to ours…so, when I wake up in the morning I get to either look squarely into Henry’s big brown nose…or if I am unfortunate…I get a canine butt shot…what a way to wake-up. We are pretty sure Henry enjoys being at eye-level with us, as in the middle of the night he has a tendency to covertly crawl into bed with us and snuggle himself up right between Randi and I.

As far as Hong Kong goes, we are definitely learning our way around and we definitely do not feel like tourists anymore. We can negotiate the streets with ease, the MTR (Mass Transit Rail) is an old friend and we know where streets cross and how to get from point A to point B with relative ease. Randi has the Central area down fairly well as that is where she is working and I have the Southern, Central, Eastern and Peak down pat. We purchased a car shortly after we got here and I have been zipping my way all around Hong Kong for the past month or so. I love driving in Hong Kong as you really get a feel for the city and you definitely learn your way around. I have been temporarily disoriented a few times…but, since we are on an island there is no fear of getting lost…sooner or later you are going to hit something that is familiar.

Randi is still a little nervous about driving…the streets are narrow and the buses and the mini-buses drive with little regards for the well being of those they share the streets with. I have seen several mini-bus drivers that are geared up as if they were preparing for the Daytona 500.

I had a run-in with a mini-bus driver yesterday that was geared up with sunglasses (Aviator style), black driving gloves and a bandana around his head...I think he was the Tom Cruise from Days of Thunder of Hong Kong. He was driving his mini-bus like he was at the wheel of a Porsche Carerra GT…tailgating me like he was drafting me on the final turn at Daytona. He was all about trying to cut people off and take them off the line. We squared up at a red light, he veered over into the left lane…a lane that ended right after the light…he knew it but, he thought he would get the drop on me. The lights in Hong Kong are just the same as in the US…the only difference is that you always transition between Yellow…even when you are going from Red to Green. So, when that light turned Yellow he gunned it off the line. I let him have about half a mini-bus length before I let the car off the line…just enough room to make him think he had me. I quickly closed the gap and he had to slam on his brakes to avoid hitting the parked delivery truck blocking the lane. Sure enough I got the evil eye from him as he realized he was now pinned and was going to have to wait for the 20+ cars behind me to pass before he could pull back-out…lesson learned…you never mess with an American behind the wheel. It’s a lesson he soon won’t forget.

I have yet to see a speed-limit sign in Hong Kong…so generally everyone moves at about 60kmh through the city which is just about 37mph. I have to admit…there are a lot of bad drivers in Hong Kong…and I mean really bad drivers. I think the fact is that most people have never driven outside of Hong Kong and when you drive in a small area your whole life, you really don’t get that much of a driving experience. For the most part…the drivers are extremely slow…extremely cautious and ride their brakes like it was their national pastime. They also stop for no apparent reason and don’t think about using your turn signals…apparently they don’t teach that in drivers’ education. The most enjoyable part of driving in Hong Kong is sharing the road with the 8 trillion taxis. To them time is money and they are not afraid to take a mile even if you don’t give them an inch. When it comes to taxis you have to fight for the road…otherwise you are going too screwed. All-in-all I am enjoying it…Randi was a little worried when I first started driving and occasionally she will still close her eyes and let out a little shriek…but, I have told her driving in Hong Kong is cake compared to driving in Iraq.

Randi is working at Robert Half here in Hong Kong and she is enjoying it much more so than she did in the US. The work environment is about a thousand times better and the “fear” culture that existed in Memphis does not exist here. Although, Randi has to adjust to working without the constant threat of being fired every day; I am not sure what management school the Memphis management people went to but, I am pretty confident having your employees constantly fearing for their jobs is not the best method to maintaining happy employees…maybe that is why they had such a high-turnover in Memphis…could it be? Needless to say, Randi is much happier here and her colleagues are great people. I think she will really enjoy it over the next few years.

As far as the reason why we are in Hong Kong, my job is going great. We just got back from Australia and finished up our first project. It looks like we are going to be fairly busy over the course of the next fiscal year. We will be traveling a lot and really getting to see a lot of the Asia Pacific area. The group of people I am working with our second to none and we have hired three great locals that are going to augment our team and really create a stellar group. I see this group growing over the next few years as China and the Asia Pacific area are in such a high growth stage right now. FedEx is definitely committed to the area and I am sure we will see our business grow rapidly here over the next few years. It is hard to believe but, we have been in this area for over 20 years now, I do have to say Fred Smith has made some excellent strategic decisions. We are in a great position to capitalize on the current economic growth that is occurring all over the region. The office here is great; we are working out of the Asia Pacific headquarters in Cyberport, which is a new high-tech development on the Western side of the island. The folks are extremely nice and everyone has been very helpful. We have had to get use to their work culture…they don’t joke around as much as we do in the States and when we joke around with them, they don’t often get it right away. So, there are some learning curves there…as expected.

Randi and I are both learning a bit of Cantonese here and there and we are supposed to be starting our Mandarin lessons soon. I can’t wait to learn Mandarin and it is one of my goals to be conversational by the time we leave.

We are definitely looking forward to having visitors and we will guarantee that you will enjoy your time here…the food is marvelous and the place is amazing…so much to see and do.

Till next time.

Hong Kong Chapter I - January 19, 2007

All –

Randi and I arrived on the 17th in Hong Kong, China. One day later than planned thanks to an “engine issue” on our airplane coming out of Los Angeles. Our flight was delayed over three hours and by the time we made it to Japan, all the flights out had already departed. Luckily, Northwest Airlines stepped up to the plate and had flights for the next day booked, rooms for the night, dinner coupons and buses for transportation. As far as delays go, this was probably the best delay that I have ever experienced. We flew out on the morning of the 17th and finally arrived in Hong Kong on the afternoon of the 17th. I think Randi thoroughly enjoyed the travel experience, as this was her first long flight flying Business Class and I am pretty sure she enjoyed it more than flying coach.

The Sheraton in Kowloon, where we are staying, is great. The hotel apparently was renovated a few years ago and they did an excellent job. The service has been great, the room is small but very nice and the food has been great. The morning buffet is phenomenal; we are both enjoying the cooked-to-order omelets.

We had our first house hunting/orientation day on Thursday the 18th. We spent the morning getting a great tour of Hong Kong, all the areas and some important local information. Hong Kong is a great city, busy, large and full of energy. It is definitely a vertical city and if you try to see the tops of all the buildings you might end up hurting your neck. We’ve visited almost all the areas of Hong Kong and the New Territories. From Repulse Bay to The Mid-Levels we have been all over the island. It is amazing how different and distinct the areas of Hong Kong are. There are slammed urban areas and then you can head to Victoria Peak and feel like you are in a mountain resort area. It is great.



The afternoon of the 18th we began checking out apartments. You definitely have to approach the apartment living concept a bit differently here. The apartments are a lot smaller and the builders firmly believe that the number of bedrooms in an apartment is much more important than the size of the bedrooms. Additionally, don’t plan on walk-in closets as some of the bedrooms are smaller than an average walk-in closet. It is very different…but in a good way…just one that may take a little time to adjust to. IKEA is probably a life saver here as you need to maximize the utilization of your space to the nth degree. I think Randi was a little discouraged (maybe even terrified) but after day two, it helped it all sink in a little – and it was helpful to see a furnished flat to see that it really is possible to live in small spaces like these. It will just be a more minimalist style of living.

We are traveling around with Rosalie and Donald. Rosalie is our relocation expert; she is a wonderful lady that handles just about everything. She is originally Australian but has lived all over the world and is calling Hong Kong home right now. She designs jewelry in her spare time and knows Hong Kong. Donald is our real estate man, a native young man from Hong Kong, and he is quiet but very good. He is quick to pick up on what you like and what you don’t like and he will through out his commitments with little abandon.

So, on Friday the 19th we hit the ground again looking at over a dozen apartments all over the city. We found several wonderful places and currently narrowed our list down to three, three apartments that we have to go back and review on Monday to ensure that we pick the right one. You really have to sacrifice a few things here and there to get the right place. Having Henry we have had to eliminate 80% of the properties that were shown to us as there are certainly some places that are not Henry friendly. Having said that, we have still found a few properties that are great and we will hopefully find one that works out well. There are some really great places and our short list is spread all over Hong Kong Island from the South to the North. I have to say there are some real gems on this island you just have to have patience and an open mind. You really have to throw out about 90% of your US views and re-center yourself into thinking differently.

Food, you want to talk about food, there is some amazing food on this island. You can basically have anything you want from Italian to Mexican. We have had some delicious Thai, Chinese, Mexican and American food since arriving in Hong Kong. The food is relatively affordable and absolutely delicious. Yesterday we saw our first Krispy Kreme in Hong Kong. It’s a very recent and new addition to Hong Kong – our relocation agent has never tried a Krispy Kreme donut. Randi is pretty psyched about having a Krispy Kreme in town…did it smell the same…you bet. Talk about an interesting site…a busy Hong Kong street with the sweet smell of Krispy Kreme…yummy!

The weekend is upon us and we are going to relax and enjoy Hong Kong. We are planning on meeting up with my friend Scott, whom I worked with in Iraq and his family today. Who knows what else we will do…the weekend is open. Monday we will start heavy again, looking at more apartments, checking out banks, furniture and all the other things one must do as you move across the world. I hope all of you are well, wherever you are.

- MWF

Time for Randi’s thoughts…

The city is HUGE – the apartments are TINY. It’s going to be an interesting adjustment to life in Hong Kong. I will probably cry when I have to part with lots of friends, clothes, shoes, and leave other misc. things behind….but it’s a great opportunity to live in another part of the world and appreciate all the unacknowledged luxuries you have at home. But the people we have met here are great and will be a big help in adjusting to life in Asia. There is so much to see and do – we hope to have lots of visitors from the States – that is, if the size of the bedrooms doesn’t scare you off! And with all the walking to get around here, maybe I’ll finally whip my butt into shape! J (or just walk straight to the Krispy Kreme…)

LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING EVERYONE SOON!

-RKF

So this is cold...

So, we woke up this morning to find ourselves in the coldest day we have yet to experience in Hong Kong. Now...prepare yourself for the temperature...7 degrees Celsius...that's right 44.6 degrees Fahrenheit. So, at this point you are probably asking yourself, "why is that cold?" Well, it is cold...especially for Hong Kong. Now, that is not to say that Randi and I are wearing our The North Face goose down parkas (like some in Hong Kong are), but we did put jackets on this morning and that is a first. I wouldn't say that it is really that cold...but, like many places it just isn't prepared for the cold. A lot of places don't have heat and I would say that their heating systems are not the best. We are fortunate that our place has built in heaters...but, many places do not.

Now, I have to remind myself that "cold" is not really "cold" until there is ice and snow on the ground. I am hoping that it does not get that cold here...if it does...heaters will be the last of our worries as I am fairly confident that Hong Kong has zero ice and snow capabilities...much less a single snow shovel.

So, where does that take us...well, it takes us to a little place I like to call..."chili time". That is right, I am thinking that this weather may call for breaking out the world famous Mark Farage chili recipe...now, if I can just find a place that has an open fire and a NFL football game on...as that is the proper way to eat a bowl of chili...in front of a fire while watching "improper" football.

2008...Where did the time go???

So, obviously it has been awhile since I have posted some entries on this blog. It has been a bit busy of late but, 2008 is the year to kick this sucker back up. Have I been busy...you bet you. What has happened since the last post...well...try the following: (1) I got married; (2) changed positions and moved to a different operating company where I work; and (3) moved to the other side of the world...Hong Kong. So, Randi and I are living in Hong Kong...literally on the other side of the world from Memphis. I am sticking in a picture of our new home in Hong Kong.

Is it just me or...

...are there alot of bad drivers in Memphis. When did it become appropriate to drive 95mph on I-240 at 5:00pm while weaving in and out of traffic without using turnsignals. And, if this is not a sign...Monday I was passed by two off-duty cops (one MPD one Shelby County Deputy) on motorcycles (crotch-rockets) going over 100mph. How do I know they were cops...well, despite having motorcycle jackets on they left their pants on and their gear (including guns) on while breaking the law. Great example to set Mr. Law Enforcement.

Belafonte...I Think I Found Your Common Sense...

I have made it a point that I am going to attempt…and I do say attempt to post to the Garage more often than I have in the last few months of 2005. I am hoping that 2006 will be a bit more prolific. I am going to go out on a limb here and lay some of my thoughts on the table. Sure…these are probably going to come back and bite me on the ass later down the road…probably when I am running for some political office. Having said that…here we go…my thoughts on what is currently going on in the world.

First off let’s call Harry Belafonte what he really is…an absolute idiot with no concept of what I like to call reality. What kind of American, with any sort of intelligence and national pride, would call the President of the United States “the greatest tyrant in the world, the greatest terrorist in the world”? I simply ask that…and I suppose Harry is also going to lead a march of the “not hundreds, not thousands, but millions of the American people” who support the Socialist Revolution that Hugo Chavez is leading in Venezuela. This guy is an absolute idiot…an idiot on the scale of which I have not seen in a long, long time. I would definitely classify every breath that Harry takes as an absolute waste of air. Danny Glover and Cornel West…what the heck are you doing there as well? Let’s get back to Harry for a second though…when did he become more than a washed up singer? When did he become an expert on global politics? When did he become an expert on tyranny and terrorism? Has Harry forgotten the names: Hitler, Stalin, Mao, Mussolini, Kai-Shek, Lenin, Hussein, Salazar, and Tao just to list a few true Tyrants. Each of those individuals, listed above, was responsible for, at a minimum, the deaths of over a million through initiating or intensifying war, famine, genocide, or by allowing individuals under their command to do so. If we look at Stalin, Hitler, and Mao they were responsible for the murders of 20, 15, and 10 million (respectively) unarmed (non-combatants) individuals during their rule. How can Mr. Belafonte even dare to classify President George W. Bush with those men? It disgusts me, it shames me, and it enrages me. It is reckless, assinine, and plain wrong. I would suggest that Mr. Belafonte get out of the United States of America as soon as possible if he finds President Bush so tyrannous. I doubt he will do so though. I am not even going to the terrorist level. Terrorists are the lowest form of life on earth, attacking innocent and unarmed men, women, and children to further their own twisted agendas. No one with an ounce of analytical capability would ever classify our President as a terrorist. It is shameful. Mr. Belafonte you are a shame to this country, you are shame to your gender, and you are a shame to human beings.

Let’s see what else…The Alito hearings…so far so good. I do think it is a shame that some individuals will vote “nay” just because he is a Republican nominee. That is absolutely ridiculous…Senator Kennedy…that is right you sir are ridiculous. You are a joke to the Senate, you are a joke to this country, and you are a joke as a man. Do something worthwhile…step down from the Senate and take a long vacation and see if you can find your sanity, reason, and backbone while you are out there. I hope Alito is confirmed, I think he would be a great addition to our highest court. I am not sure what some of the Democrats are smoking these days…but, it can’t be legal.

So, let’s move on to the Democrats…and I am not talking about the intelligent ones…I am talking about the ones on the left side, the way left. I guess these folks aren’t going to be happy until we get rid of Christianity, have a gay President with a “first man”, and have all references to God removed from our country. Oh, and let me add that they probably want all aspects of the military disbanded, the borders opened, a global currency and probably ‘666’ tattooed on everyone’s head. Speaking of the Democrats…has anyone heard the disparity between the Republicans and the Democrats in the hearings? I mean the Democrats (for the most part) stammer and stutter while the Republicans come off polished and ready to go. Hmmm…maybe it is just me…and I love how the democrats keep asking the same questions over and over. I guess they are trying to “trip him up”. Do they not understand that this guy (Alito) is smarter than all of them?

What else is going out there? Iraq…we have to stay the course…if we don’t there are going to be dire consequences…mark my words. I have experience with terrorists and I have experience with Iraq, I think you should probably listen. The United States and over 30 other countries going into Iraq was one of the best moves ever made. It would have been like the United States going into Germany when the Germans took Poland in 1939. Hind sight is 20/20 and I am afraid that we will not see the true fruits of our labor for years to come. I just wish more people had the balls to standup and fight. There is a global war on terror going on right now, everyone needs to open their eyes and realize that if we just pull back and let them attack us we will face more September 11^th’s and much worse. We must remember that sometimes the best defense is a strong offense. We shall see how things sort themselves out. I hope that the American public can remember that having a strong backbone is a good thing. Can you imagine if we had the overall gusto that the United States has currently back in the 1940’s. Heck we would have given up after Pear Harbor…because more than 11 soldiers were killed in one day and if I am not mistaken…over 2,400 Americans were killed. That beats the almost 3 year total in Iraq to date of just over 2,200 American soldiers, airmen, sailors, and marines. So, can you imagine if that death toll happened today in one day…oh wait it did…September 11, 2001. If I remember correctly every American who could stand wanted to go kick someone’s ass. What happened?

Well, this will be a different year that is for sure. Let’s see how things go…and I will maintain my commentary as we go along…some of it will be funny…some of it won’t be. Stay safe and be careful out there.

2006 Holy Sh*T

Well, as they say time flys when you are having fun and I am definitely having fun (probably too much). But, hey what can you do about that? Well, some may say what is 2006 going to bring us...well...I think it is safe to say probably just about everything that 2005 brought us...just maybe with a little bit of a twist. No one wants to be bored.

Christmas is over and now everyone is trying to get in the groove for the new year...well...let me tell you I am in the groove. Did I make any New Year resolutions this year...not a single one...why kill yourself over some arbitrary item you throw out on December 31st moments before the ball drops. This year I intend not to have resolutions, rather I am going to focus on a few key things that I think I need to improve on. What are they you may ask? Well, that is between the big guy upstairs (God) and yours truly. They aren't significant...nothing as exciting as say...getting off of the crack or deciding to start a multi-billion dollar company...or say save the grey-speckled horned red-neck owl of the Chipawappa Forest. No, not so serious...just little items...cut down on the indiscriminate use of foul language, spend less money on discretionary items, slow down a little bit, etc. So, nothing that will rip off your panties and make you do a double lutz.

This year has been a great year so far...yeah, I know that it is only 6 days in...but, hey wars have been fought and won (or lost - depending upon your side) in the same amount of time. Things are good and we need to be thankful for everything. I tell you what I am so thankful when I see our President stand up and say that he is going to follow the advice of the generals rather than the politicians on a strategy in Iraq. Brilliant idea...listen to the guys on the ground who have trained their entire lives for combat...rather than some Congressman or Congresswoman who just got elected and thinks that the Kashmir Region is a reference to Robert Plant's privates. I am glad to see that we are doing the right thing. All I want is some of these folks who are knocking the Iraq conflict to spend some time on the ground there...and I am not talking a whirlwind tour in your blazer. Negative, I am talking buckling down and putting on the body armor and getting your hands dirty. Only then will you see what is really going on and the difference we are making every day in the cradle of civilization. I miss Iraq and there are times when the desire to go back is so strong it almost brings me to tears. I felt so alive in Iraq...and I do miss it dearly.

Ah...but, why am I not there...a lovely thing we like to call a fiance. There is one thing that I have learned...when you are engaged your fiance actually expects you to stick around in the same zip code...interesting concept. I agree. Well, another reason now is "walks" you bet you "walks". Let me explain my fiance and I are the proud parents of our first baby...who happens to be a one and a half year old German Shorthaired Pointer (GSP) named Henry. I had been missing the daily devoted companionship of a canine for sometime, so I worked with the GSP Rescue Society to adopt a GSP. Well, the week before Christmas everything fell into place and we adopted Henry. Henry is awesome...I cannot imagine for the life of me how such a wonderful, smart, devoted, and affectionate dog ever came into the hands of the GSP Rescue Society. This dog is amazing...he is the most loving animal I have ever had the pleasure to be around. If your on a sofa...he is in your lap...never mind the fact that he weighs over 50lbs...he just loves to snuggle. You want to talk about natural hunting instinct...this dog will point on anything that moves...and he is sharp. My fiance and I took him to my parents house in DC for Christmas and the holidays...my parents live in between two large plots of land owned by George Mason University...and he loved running through the fields...tracking deer...pointing on birds...it was beautiful. He is going to start hunting and fieldwork classes in a few months. I just want him to get fully attached to the two of us before the training begins. This dog has awesome potential and I can't wait to get him working; but, he is a pet first and he loves to snuggle...so, first things first...affection...then hunting. You can see ol' Henry above...he is a beautiful animal. Yes, he is chipped so don't even think about it.

Well, I am going to roll on out of this blog for the time being...however...I am working on my predictions for 2006...so, be sure to check back. Until then...be thankful for all you have and work hard for what you don't...and for God's sake be careful out there.

T-Mobile & Motorola Vs. The Garage - Round One

There are times in life when one must take off the gloves and wage war with no mercy. I am taking off the gloves and there will be no mercy. Now you may ask who I am waging war against…and the answer is simple…T-Mobile and Motorola. Now, I am sure you all have heard of these two companies and I am sure there are those who have already taken their gloves off. So, here is my dilemma. I purchased a Motorola A630 from T-Mobile in April of 2005. Of course, I was not eligible for an upgrade so, I was charged the full price of around $350.00. I am not some Neanderthal when it comes to caring for my cell phone. I do not throw them around, sit on them, chew on them, or use them as a doorstop. I am gentle on them, carry them carefully, and try to avoid dropping them all together. I figure hey, it is my investment in the phone, so I better take care of it. Now, I have had fairly good experiences with Motorola phones in the past so, I figured (in retrospect incorrectly) that I would have another good experience from them…little did I know. Hindsight is one of those beautiful things. It let’s you look back and make a decision with complete knowledge of the future, absolutely beautiful; however, absolutely worthless when you actually have to make a decision. So, I purchased the phone and went on my merry way. However, in August a slight obstruction, in my merry way, cropped up when my phone stopped charging. Now, I am technologically rather together; so, I quickly deduced that there was an issues with the charge connector in the phone and that the “juice” was not getting to the battery. So, I took it to T-Mobile and they were nice enough to order me a replacement. At this point 100% satisfaction was on my mind. What can be better, a phone stops working and they send you a new one…beautiful. So, a few days later in August I receive the new phone and send the old one (the damaged one) to the cell phone graveyard…compliments of a fully padded box and pre-paid postage. So, August was good and then the natural progression of the year took me to September and then into October. So, late October rolls around and guess what? “Houston We Have a Problem”. Low and behold the phone stops charging again. Now, as you can imagine a phone that has no battery is about as useful of a communication tool as a rock. So, I fidget with the thing over the weekend (October 29^th and October 30^th) and alas…nothing. So, today (November 1, 2005) I take a little trip to T-Mobile and explain the situation to a nice sales associate named Autumn. Now, Autumn is unable to do anything from the store. Which is extremely frustrating, but totally understandable, because gone are the days when a store can apparently make things right for their customers. So, she calls T-Mobile Customer Service and I get connected to what I will refer to as the “single most unhelpful individual” I have ever encountered. Now, this person was so unhelpful that I will refer to him as SMUI from now on. If you didn’t follow that one look at the quotation marks above and you should piece it together. So, SMUI tells me that the only thing he can do it send me another replacement. Of course, SMUI fails to see that if two A630s have gone bad on me in less than 6 months that I probably don’t want to get another one. Also, SMUI gives me the brilliant advice of buying a new phone. Of course wouldn’t T-Mobile love this? Every time a phone (that they sold you) gives you a problem – you just go buy a new phone. Wow, I am sure that is great for T-Mobile, but it’s not so great for the consumer. So, after going around and around with SMUI for about 15 minutes I asked to speak to his supervisor. Now, I want to stress here that I never raised my voice and remained cordial the entire time I was on the phone with SMIU. However, I had to talk to his supervisor after he failed to piece together that if T-Mobile sent me a replacement that I was indeed on my second phone and not on my original phone. Hey, I am not saying that I am the smartest guy in the world, but even a 3^rd grader can piece together that if something is replaced that you had to have an “original” one and that you get a “replacement” to REPLACE it. However, I guess SMUI failed 3^rd grade. Whatever. So, I get transferred to Dwight. Now, I will say this about Dwight, Dwight understood where I was coming from and could at least follow my points and generally could keep up with my conversation. Dwight, I appreciate your help, I sincerely do…but, even you have to admit I am still taking one where the sun don’t shine. So, after explaining the situation to Dwight he recommends the same. I either get a replacement or I buy a new phone. So, I explain to Dwight that I am not going to pay for another phone and the last thing I want is another A630. I explain to him that getting another A630 would be postponing this situation for another few months. After I explained to him that T-Mobile pulled the phones (less than 6 months after carrying them) for, among other things, the recurrent charging issue he agreed that I probably wouldn’t want another A630. So, after a 15 minute discussion on how I would think that T-Mobile would want to keep a customer that pays around $100 a month for phone service (and probably will continue to do so for the foreseeable future) as compared to losing a customer for a $350 phone made absolutely perfect sense. After this discussion and realization on Dwight’s part he realized that making me somewhat happy would probably be the best recourse. So, he agreed to sell me a phone (from a different manufacturer) for a greatly reduced cost (basically their cost) of around $77 and that he would “waive” the shipping cost as a “courtesy”. Now, I told Dwight that I am still getting hosed on this one and that I am basically eating the cost of the A630 ($350) after 6 months and that I am not too happy about that. Dwight agreed that I had a right not to be happy…but, that he could do nothing about it…ridiculous. So, Dwight gave me the phone number for Motorola….to which, he said I could carry my complaint. So, after about an hour (lunch break) I decided that the conversation was going no where with Dwight and that I needed to escalate it once again. So, I asked Dwight to transfer me to his supervisor…of course, Dwight did not want to do this and told me that there was no way that his supervisor was available or that I could contact him. So, I politely told Dwight that he was full of the smelly brown stuff and that I found it hard to believe that a supervisor at a telecommunication company was unreachable. I explained to Dwight that under consumer protection laws that he had an obligation to honestly present the facts to a consumer and that by telling me that his supervisor “was not reachable” that he was indeed violating my rights as a consumer…so, once I explained that to Dwight I asked him if that was his intention. So, Dwight immediately transferred me to his supervisor’s voicemail. So, I left Roland a nice voicemail and asked him to get back to me at his earliest convenience. Of course, I have yet to here from Roland…I am not sure when his earliest convenience will be, but I am going to bet it is not going to be ASAP. So, I left the T-Mobile store slightly frustrated, realizing that in today’s day and age that indeed the consumer is really on his/her own. So, I get back to the office…and call Motorola. Of course I get some “Foreign Customer Service Agent” (FCSA) that I can barely understand and who can barely understand me…I had to repeat my number four times…four times. Who has to repeat a ten digit number four times for it to be heard? Ridiculous. Anyway, after explaining my situation to the FCSA and relaying to her that I did not want another A630; she told me that they would gladly fix it or replace it. This, after detailing that I did not want, under any circumstances, another A630…it was like talking to a Customer Service Robot. I don’t know where they get these people. So, I told her that Motorola just lost a customer of 11 years. So, what was her response? “Is there anything else I can help you with?” Help me with…you didn’t help me in the first place. So, I just hung up…frustrated…and quite frankly pissed. In this day and age we cannot get customer service. I tell you, it is ridiculous that a company cannot help their customers resolve their issues. It makes me appreciate companies that go out of their way to resolve issues. So, having said all of that, what is my recourse? Well, I am going to write some letters to the executives of both companies and relay my “wonderful” experiences. I am not one to just take a kicking and stay down…I always get up and I always get up with my fists up. In this case, I have just taken off my gloves. This is round one…round two is mine all the way.

The Dreaded Memphis Three-Lane Sweep...A Step-by-Step Look at this Memphis Phenomenon

For those of you who are not from Memphis, have never lived in Memphis and care nothing about Memphis…please pay no attention to this diatribe. The infamous and now sorely rampant Memphis Three Lane Sweep. I am sure all of you have seen it; but, maybe you just didn’t know what happened. It goes a little something like this. You’re on the South Loop of I-240, somewhere between Airways and Perkins. You’re cruising along nicely at 70 miles an hour in the right lane and keeping up with the flow of traffic. The weather is nice, so you have the windows down and Tom Petty is on XM and the lyrics to Learning to Fly are reverberating in your soul. Suddenly and without warning a 1994 Nissan Altima with only one hubcap, a cracked rear window, a broken left rear turn-signal, a dent the size of Rhode Island in the right rear quarter panel, window tint four shades past legal, and a license plate taped to the said cracked rear window comes out of no where and is now attempting to take your space in the right lane without a turn-signal. You’re faced with a monumental decision, you can: (a) take one for the team and learn why two objects can not exist in the same space without a violent reaction, a little thing we like to call an accident; (b) slam on your brakes as the “bogey” sweeps into your lane and pray to God that the driver behind you is paying attention; and (c) swerve to the right to avoid the Scud that was just launched at you and pray, again to God, that you don’t hit a car abandoned in the emergency lane, wrap your car around a light pole, and/or lose control of your vehicle and fly through the median and end up in a ditch, while Tom Petty’s song “Learning to Fly” has just taken on a whole new meaning. You have just been the victim of…drum roll please…the Memphis Three Lane Sweep. What exactly just happened and why is it called the Memphis Three Lane Sweep (MTLS)?

I’ll break it down in an easy to follow step-by-step process:

Step 1.

The driver of the Altima Scud; which we will hence forth refer to as the “bogey” has been driving along at 75mph in the far left lane listening to his/her preferred choice of music, talking on his/her cell phone to one of their friends and/or relatives, slapping one of the unbuckled rugrats in the back all while slurping on their favorite beverage of the day. This is your “typical” Memphis driver cruising the highways and byways of Memphis; un-alert, preoccupied, and highly dangerous.

Step 2.

The driver of the Bogey, has just decided that they want to take the next exit a mere 270 yards down the road. Now at this point the rational, sane, and well educated driver will consider their options. First off, they will first decide if they can safely make the exit if they can’t they will continue to the next exit and make their way to their location without any further delay. If they can make the exit they will turn their right turn signal on and begin to look for an opening in traffic. They will proceed to change lanes, when and only if there is a safe opening in traffic. They will continue to do this while maintaining a speed relative to the flow of traffic. They will not slam on their brakes and wait for traffic to clear nor will they accelerate like an F-18 off the end of an aircraft carrier. If the traffic allows for it they will make it to their exit; if not they will, as stated earlier, continue onward to the next exit. But, we are not dealing with a rational, sane, or well educated driver. Rather we are dealing with an irrational individual, that is probably a few tacos short of a combo plate, and more than likely not well educated. So, what does this driver do, well that is the beauty of it…no one knows what he/she is going to do…they don’t even know what they are going to do themselves. That is the beauty of it all.

Step 3.

Realizing that their desired exit is now less than 270 yards away and closing fast at their current cruising speed the driver of the bogey is going to go through the following thought process before deciding what to do: ______________________. That’s right they will think of absolutely nothing. Shockingly enough they will not have a thought process before deciding what to do. That is the beauty of your average Memphis driver, when you don’t have a thought process you don’t think of the consequences of your actions. Brilliant. So, having gone through absolutely no thought process what-so-ever; the following actions are going to be caused by the driver of the bogey: (a) they are immediately going to slam on their brakes, while beginning a sharp right hand turn towards the exit that is still quickly approaching; (b) the driver will not signal nor will they look to see if traffic will allow for their kamikaze driving maneuver; and (c) finally they will not consider the reactions that may occur from their actions. Rather in their state of ignorant bliss they will head for their exit in a kamikaze like manner with no regard for the welfare, safety, or reactions of anyone else on the Interstate. Beautiful.

Step 4.

This is where you, cruising along nicely and enjoying Tom Petty, are about to meet the Bogey in the right lane of traffic. The Bogey closing in on your vehicle at 65mph and now at a 45 degree down angle has just cut off a soccer-mom in the middle lane, forcing her to slam on the brakes of her Cadillac Escalade, thereby tossing her Grande Caramel Macchiato all across the dash. The driver of the car immediately behind her has to slam on their brakes and swerve to the left to avoid permanently imprinting the hood of their car with a Cadillac emblem. The Bogey, at this point, still has no idea that they narrowly missed causing a 20 car pile-up and possible injury/death to numerous drivers and is steadily tracking for an impact with your driver-side door. Of course, the blissfully unaware and moronic driver of the Bogey has yet to look away from their exit and has no idea they are about to impact the side of your vehicle. They are on a kamikaze mission and will be damned if anyone is going to get in their way. You are now in decision mode and have only the previously stated options: (a) take one for the team and learn why two objects can not exist in the same space without a violent reaction, a little thing we like to call an accident; (b) slam on your brakes as the “bogey” sweeps into your lane and pray to God that the driver behind you is paying attention; and (c) swerve to the right to avoid the Scud that was just launched at you and pray, again to God, that you don’t hit a car abandoned in the emergency lane, wrap your car around a light pole, and or lose control of your vehicle and fly through the median and end up in a ditch, with Tom Petty’s song “Learning to Fly” taking on a whole new meaning.

Step 5.

You look in your rearview mirror and decide that the car behind you is far enough back and is not going to end up in your backseat as you slam on the brakes and lay on the horn while stringing together a string of expletives that would make a sailor blush, with the bogey narrowly missing you as they careen onto the exit ramp with the last remaining hubcap flying off. The hubcap rolls off into the distance like some eerie warning to those who actually care about their cars. You’ve just survived a classic MTLS and the best part of the whole thing is that the oblivious driver, that almost sent you to the hospital, flips you off as they drive away because you had the audacity to honk your horn at them.

You got to love Memphis.

The Week In Review

Well, the week is over and here we are about to enter into another weekend...hopefully we won't be facing another "surprise" hurricane bearing down on a major U.S. city on Monday morning. So here is my take on the week.

Judge John Roberts finished his confirmation hearings this week and will be the next Supreme Court Chief Justice. I personally have never met Judge Roberts but, from listening to his confirmation hearings I have to say that I am completely impressed. I have never heard a more polished and composed individual under such circumstances. Of course, despite his outstanding credentials some democrats won't vote for him solely based on the fact that he is a Republican nominee. Yes, there are still idiots out there. And, I am further moved to believe that Sen. Kennedy is indeed a moron. After listening to his questioning of Judge Roberts I was utterly amazed that a supposed intelligent man would repeatedly ask a Supreme Court nominee how they would rule on specific cases...asinine. So, having concluded his hearings on Thursday the "special interest" groups will begin their ranting and raving about how Judge Roberts, being a conservative, is going to bring an end to the world as we know. I can't wait to hear the brilliant intellects at NOW throw their normal moronic diatribe out there and of course the NAACP will throw their normal "interesting" statements out there. I am sure they will, as Theodore Shaw, president and director of the NAACP's Legal Defense Fund stated the following earlier this week: "Our review of the available record has led us to conclude that John G. Roberts Jr. has been hostile to the corpus of civil rights and constitutional law." Are you kidding me...Hostile towards constitutional law? I want to know where these people live and what kind of drugs they are on. Of course these are the same intelligent people that support rapper Kanye West's delirious statement that, "George Bush doesn't care about black people."

So, this leads me into Katrina and Kanye...perhaps I am remiss in saying this but, does Kanye West have a quarter of a clue about what he is talking about? Watching his ranting was similar to watching a 2nd grader talk about someone pushing them during recess..."and then...and...and...he...doesn't like me." I mean seriously does this idiot actually believe that the President of the United States doesn't like black people. Hey Kanye, have you looked at who President Bush has as his Secretary of State...none other then Condoleeza Rice. And correct me if I am wrong but, the last time I checked I think she is "black". So, Kanye get a clue or do us all a favor and quit breathing. Seriously, it amazes me that these people survive childhood. Someone with the apparent intelligence of Kanye probably played on the freeway as a young child. Stick to what you know Kanye and stay out of politics until you graduate college...one semester at Columbia College in Chicago doesn't count as an education buddy...oh, and one more thing if you are going to rant on about someone...try complete sentences...it usually helps. So, needless to say I think Kanye stepped a bit outside of his "comfort zone" and had I been standing next to Kanye, instead of Mr. Meyers, he would have been slapped back into his "comfort" zone rather abruptly with one simple question: "Mr. West what do you base this outlandish claim upon?" Which, I am sure would have stunned him into silence. And by the way, it is President George Bush...at least have some respect.

So, on Katrina. For those who think we are doing a bad job. Please submit to me a detailed thesis on how you would have handled a natural disaster effecting over 90,000 square miles with a credible warning of less than 72 hours. That's right the National Hurricane Center's own Probability of Hit analysis on Friday, August 26, 2005 predicted a strike probability on New Orleans of only 17%. Needless to say it is a shame that so many people were affected; but, we are dealing with Mother Nature here and she is the most devastating force period. Sure things could have been done differently here and maybe faster here; but, I for one think we are doing a pretty good job. Can you imagine if that tragedy took place in someplace like Sri Lanka or Thailand…oh, that’s right it did and an estimated 170,000 to 250,000 people were killed. That’s right they are still counting the bodies. In areas of Indonesia they were still finding 500 bodies a day in February of 2005. I was in Thailand shortly after the Tsunami and I can tell you first hand that our response to Katrina is light years ahead of anything anyone else could have performed. Just think of the sheer fact that we had over 300 U.S. Military helicopters in the area 72 hours after the incident performing rescues and attempting to repair the levees. Trust me getting 300 helicopters and their support to a region that quickly is amazing. Logistically speaking we are doing a great job. I know what everyone is going to say…what about the poor people at the Convention Center. Sure, we probably could have swooped in and gotten them out of there earlier. But, seriously where would we have taken them. I think people are forgetting that it is not just a matter of moving people from Point A to Point B. Unless you have point B prepared and ready to handle a situation, all you have done is transferred your problem from one point to the next. So, having said that…for anyone who has ever attempted to handle the life-support functions for 30,000 it is a bit more difficult then simply moving people from one point to the next. Have I handled 30,000 people, no…I have not; however, my father has and he will tell you it isn’t a walk in the park. So, before you start jabbering about this or that…actually sit back and think about what it takes to literally move a small city. How many towns, cities, do you know that are around 30,000 people? Now, think of moving that entire town, to an unprepared location, in 72 hours…can’t be done...how about a week…hmmm…probably a little more practical. If you will recall as of September 4, 2005 the Convention center and the Superdome were cleared out, that is six days…and both locations had more than 25,000 people at them. So, think about it in that context and you may not be so quick to judge; in fact, you will probably think the Federal Government did a great job under the circumstances and that is my position. Am, I just a sideline guy here…no, I am not I am headed down to Louisiana next Friday to aid in relief work. So, expect pictures and a full report in about 10 days.

Well, what else has happened this week? We have President Putin in Washington D.C. today. Is it just me or am I right to not fully trust a former KGB officer? Well, I think Putin is moving in the right direction; but, I firmly believe he is always watching out for his numero uno or the good ol’ Russia. All I say to you Mr. President Bush is watch this guy.

What about Iran? Here is my take on Iran and “yes”, I have some experience with the fanatical Iranians that are slowly taking over that country…and “no” I will not disclose that experience. The fanatical Iranians are pouring into Iraq and attempting to destabilize that country. I simply ask what in the world is going on when a known terrorist is now leading a nation. Iranian President Mahmood Ahmadinejad has been positively identified by at least six U.S. hostages as a ringleader in the 1979 U.S. Embassy takeover. And I am going to go out on a limb here and say I bet you none of those guys will ever forget the faces of the terrorists that held them captive. He has also been identified by former Iranian President Bani Sadr as Ayatollah Khomeini's liaison with the hostage takers…hmmm…sounds pretty much like a “sure thing” to me. And, to add icing to the cake he stands accused of the murder of a Kurdish leader in Vienna by officials in Austria who say they have compelling evidence and want an arrest warrant sworn for him. Oh, but that is not all folks, as mayor of Tehran, he was one of the principal forces behind a campaign to recruit and train suicide bombers throughout the country. So, how does a guy like this become the President? Well, simply put – Iran has quickly become a fundamentalist country under control of radical Muslims that are all about Fatwa’s and bringing down the great Satan (that would be the United States). I would have to say that to truly understand how fundamentalist Muslims have taken a firm grip on the country you have to understand the revolution that occurred in 1979. So, go get some books and learn about it. Read “In The Walled Gardens” by, Anahita Firouz an awesome book that gives you some insight in how vastly different the country is today from the 1970’s. Of course, I will clarify that I think Iran still has its own internal fight to win. The young generation there is not too happy with the radicals that are leading that country. So, there very well could be another Iranian Revolution. I for one hope there is; for if there isn’t and the radicals continue to secure that country we could be seriously facing a terrorist nation much like Libya in the 80’s and with the resources, wealth, and fanaticism available in Iran the West could be in serious trouble. Remember folks that all things start small. Remember how World War I was sparked to ignition by the assassination of Franz Ferdinand, Archduke of Austria, in 1914 by Gavrilo Princip, a Bosnian-Serb student, in Sarajevo. I guarantee you that Mr. Princip did not envision that his gunshot would result in a 13 kiloton nuclear weapon being dropped on Hiroshima on August 6, 1945 and a 20 kiloton nuclear weapon being dropped on Nagasaki a day later. Little things can have big consequences and they are not always anticipated. So, I would consider a known terrorist becoming president of a rather fundamentalist country an item we should all watch carefully.

I would be remiss if I did not mention that the new season of Survivor started…Survivor Guatemala. Am I interested in Survivor, not really but since I did almost make it on the show. I am curious as to what I would have been doing. Apparently it started with a 13 mile trek through the jungle with all their gear. Well, no problem and I guarantee you I would have advised that everyone drink a bit more than they did and take a little more time. It is better to be fit for the long haul. Those folks are in serious trouble for the rest of their stint. In ideal conditions they could recover rather quickly but, they are definitely not in an ideal situation. I imagine some of the men and women will be suffering directly from the “sprint” that they did on the first day. Remember that the turtle beat the jackrabbit.

Rockstar INXS…we are down to the final three and as I have said all along...they are going to pick JD. It is not a matter of the other two being bad or anything at all...on the contrary, they are all very gifted. I just think that JD fits with INXS more so than the others do and a band is all about fit.

So, on that note...I hope everyone has a great weekend. Stay safe, don’t drink and drive and remember to say your prayers to God because we are all very blessed.